Twas the night before Recruitmas, when all through HABOTN
The HOTTIES were stirring, wondering which players will be gotten
Auburn’s staff lingered in the mail room by the fax machine where,
Awaiting Fed Exes and faxes that soon would be there.
The HOTTIES were restless, not snug in their beds,
While visions of five stars danced in their heads.
WTC’s mom in her ‘kerchief, and her son in his Murano,
Were watching You Tube clips of Joel Bonomolo.
When out on the Interwebs, there arose such a clatter,
I opened a Window to see what was the matter.
Away to HABOTN I flew like a flash:
Stories of Saban, of Faker, of Chargers and cash.
I soon dozed off and into a dreamstate there I’d go
Peering out my man cave window, what a sight below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
J-Z spewing popcorn, and Ehyou drinking beer
With a laser eyed driver, a defensive whiz,
I knew in a moment it must be Coach Chiz.
More rapid than Steve posts his coaches they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now, Trooper! Now, Luper! Now, TinRoof and Gus!
On, Thigpen! On, Grimes! Hey, Boulware, stay on the bus!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Somebody help Rocker, he’s so big he might fall!
With a class so strong, Norm could see with even one eye,
Bringing humor and joy from IV, Wake and that Comm’r guy
So up to the house-top of HOTTIES, the coaches they flew,
With the sleigh full of 4 stars, 5 stars, and long snappers, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard ol’ Ted Roof
“These DL recruits sure look good on the hoof.”
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Jay G posted a new thread without even a sound.
The post said Chiz was dressed in orange and blue, from his head to his foot,
And the abundance football players he toted made Jhag said “Woot!”
Lots of new linemen for O and D, as well as the nation’s two best backs
Left HOTTIES dreaming of Dyer running behind Mack
Dear Leader cried “Substance!” And RK went “Next!
Then Cincy went all sassy and typed out some text.
PF got angry; most didn’t realized it was faux.
Jan Terri chimed in, and so did Eddie and E-bro
The dream’s raw speculation made Hoop clinch his teeth,
And smoke blew out his ears, circling his head like a wreath.
So THT said “Chill out, this is a wonderful dream.
But what would make it better is a bowl of ice cream.”
There were four stars and five stars who didn’t choose us over Duke
There were no more excuses that made me want to puke
You see it all worked despite when some growled
I’m talkin’ Big Cat Weekend and limos that prowled
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And they got out of town like a Cam Newton missile
He exclaimed to the HOTTIES when he no longer could I see
"Merry Recruitmas to all! War Eagle! Hate UAT!